Touchy-feely to a whole new level

I met B's lesbian girlfriend last night. He talks about her a lot and I'm glad he has a good friend at school, except that they have serious conversations about him being her baby-daddy-sperm-donor (ew). So we met up with her and a bunch of her friends last night, and I didn't really get a chance to talk to her until we were out in the parking lot. When she tackled me. Seriously. I'm like, ok, I'm glad we finally get to meet, too, but that doesn't mean I want to be groped. And when I told her I was so full from dinner, she grabbed my little buddha gut and starting shaking it. I wanted to barf. She's like a Jack Russell puppy on meth! Yapyapyapyap jumpspinpounce alloverthefuckingplacehyper. I told B this morning that I'll only be able to handle her in small doses, and that's only if she refrains from manhandling me.