Dear So & So, From the Couch Edition

Dear Workplace,
Why is it that I feel guilty when I take a sick day (or have to go home early)?  It's not like anybody says anything to me or looks at me sideways, so why do I care?  And for that matter, why don't more people stay home when they're sick rather than sharing their germs with the whole damn office?  There is something psychological going on here... hidden messages in our screensavers or something...

Sincerely,
*cough* *sniff* *coughcough* *hack*

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Dear Self,
I swear I witnessed you latching the kitchen babygate last night.  So how the hell did the dog get in there, eat the cat food, eat the zucchini bread that was thawing on the counter, and shit in the basement?  Apparently head colds amplify memory loss or something.

So Much for Breakfast,
Me

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Dear Dog,
Since you seem to have developed thumbs overnight, you can clean up your own shit.

No, You Don't Get Breakfast So Quit Dancing Around By Your Dish,
Mama

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Dear Princess Fuzzy Butt,
Yes, I know the dog ate your food and the world is ending because your dish is empty.  LET. ME. SLEEP.  You are THIS close to being shut in a closet.

Get Your Fat Ass Off My Chest,
The Lady Under the Blankets

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Dear Mother Nature,
Dumping six inches of snow on the day I stay home sick is a happy coincidence!  It's pretty, and I don't have to drive.  My favorite kind of snow.  Too bad I can't go out and take pictures.... or get groceries.  Oops.

Many Thanks,
The Smart Person Who Failed to Stock Up Before the Storm