Things I Would Have Twittered, if I had Mobile Twitter Capabilities

Loose, blousy, striped tee-shirts apparently make TSA folks suspicious. Me & my belt made of C4 explosives got the pat-down by a cute little blonde at the Detroit airport. I think the creepy guy at the xray machine put her up to it just so he could witness some hot girl-on-girl. Sorry dude, didn't mean to disappoint you with our whole 3 seconds of action.

I sat between an odd couple on my flight to L.A. Girl & guy, obviously traveling together, so I asked if they wanted to sit right next to each other instead of having me in the middle. Answer was an immediate "No. No. No, that's okay. No." WOW. Then discover later that they're MARRIED. Ouch. Girl was somewhat normal despite the fact that she inhaled a gallon-size bag of Jelly Bellys. But the guy, holy nutcase! I'm not sure if it was nerves or what, but he was not just biting his nails, he was full-on eating his fingers. Every finger, all the way up to the first knuckle, was red and oozing and gnawed on. Non-stop. The entire 4.5-hour flight. Uuurrrrghhh.

I was booked at the Four Point LAX, but when I arrived their power was out so they moved me next door to the Renaissance. Supposedly this was a "major upgrade" but really? No hot water, hair everywhere (including the bathroom ceiling?!), constant noise through the connecting doors, $13/day for internet... it was nicely furnished, don't get me wrong, but if this was an upgrade I'd hate to stay at the other place.

Presentations & meetings all went well, and had a good conversation with my co-worker about promoting this class a little more. Further discussion is needed, but I think we're on the same page now. Looks like I'll be heading to Vegas in September, and adding some presentations to my schedule while I'm in Phoenix for Greenbuild in November too.

Got to see a bit more of the L.A. area this time around, mostly Culver City and a bit of downtown too. Had lunch at an awesome Mexican place (on Sepulveda I think??), and had a seared Ahi tuna taco. So. Good. OMG.

Guy at LAX looked so much like Kelly Slater I had to watch him for several minutes before I determined that it wasn't. Too skinny and not quite the same facial structure. Also this guy played soccer. Still nice to look at though.

Flight back was pretty bleah. Had a window seat this time at least, but the girl in the middle had a nasty cold and kept blowing her nose, like wet-honking-snot-filled blowing that really should have taken place in the bathroom. It's not like it was very far away, considering we were in the very back of the plane. Get up off your ass and don't subject the rest of us to your nastiness. Dude in the aisle seat and I shared a bottle of hand sanitizer as we walked through the airport & joked about loading up on vitamin C and zinc when we got home.

Finally made it home around 2 a.m. and am looking forward to leaving work a bit early today!

To Whom it May Concern...

To the Office Cleaning Staff -

Learn how to load a frickin' dishwasher. The idea is to spread things out so that (a) they don't bang against each other and chip, and (b) the water and soap actually reach the surface you intend to clean. Jamming everything into 6 square inches on the top rack is not conducive to actually washing the dishes. Also, quit forgetting to put the detergent in.

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To the Toledo Fire & Rescue Department -

Apparently your EMT's need to take some basic driving classes. When entering the freeway, you do not STOP on the on-ramp. You ACCELERATE. You MERGE with the traffic. This is not an intersection. Also pay attention to the fact that there are cars behind you that do not wish to provide work for you by being rear-ended by the other people who expect to gun it up the ramp.

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To the Dog -

Yes, it's raining again. Let's not have another episode like last weekend, where you kept trying to sneak past me to the basement to poop, and eventually I had to forcibly drag you outside in a downpour, then stand in the rain for half an hour waiting for you to do your business. Maybe it's a result of you not having any balls, but please, MAN UP. You aren't going to melt.

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To my Cell Phone -

Keep it up and I'll drop you in the parking lot on "accident" then watch in joy as my co-workers with their big-ass trucks run over you repeatedly. (Note: phones with 'touch screens' do not equate an iPhone. Samsung, the Glyde is a wonderful idea, but you really need to work on it.)

Pup Ponderings

This is our dog.  His name is Jake.  He's a Foxhound/Lab mix - a "Big Beagle" as my neighbor calls him.  He's pretty damn smart, and very goofy, but not hyper or naughty (very often) which is good.

For the most part, he likes other dogs.  He barks when they go by, but when he gets to meet them he's all play.  He does seem to dislike hairy dogs though - there are two wirey terrier mixes and an Akita in the neighborhood that he not just barks, but snarls at.  I'm sure that it's something we could work with him on, if the need arises.  But if it keeps that stupid lady with her white fuzzball from shitting on our lawn, then good.

He loves one of the neighborhood Pitties like they're brothers.  Sheriff is a BIG Pit/Rott mix, red & black brindled, and the biggest damn baby I've ever met.  The two of them whine and cry when they see each other, and play until they collapse in a big sweaty slobbery heap on the grass.  I love to see it, because we kind of want another dog.

Okay, we really want another dog.

But dogs are expensive, and we're completely broke.  We would adopt from a rescue or the Humane Society, either of which would cover most of the important vet care, but some of which would charge a pretty high adoption fee.  Then there's the food - Jake was getting Purina One Large Breed (big kibbles = actual chewing of food rather than swallowing whole), but we're switching him to some with better ingredients that's actually cheaper. 

There's also the space issue.  Our house is big enough for more than one dog, but our yard is another story.  It's postage-stamp sized, and even Jake on his own doesn't have enough room to romp like he wants to.  Two dogs?  No chance.

But right now, I think time is the biggest issue.  B's schedule is weird, and although mine is pretty stable, it still only leaves the evenings and weekends to work with a new dog that might potentially have bad habits.  I think Jake would be a great role model for another dog, but I know that's not the answer.  

But then I see this story and I want to help!  Crap.  Also doesn't help that the city of Toledo is pretty intolerant of Pits or "pit-like breeds."  Bullcrap, if you ask me.  But then the added cost of the extra insurance... yeah, definitely can't afford it.  

So, we wait, and we put together a package of toys to donate to the cause.  And I ponder the idea of fostering a litter of kittens.  And then B shoots me the evil eye.

*sigh* why do I put up with you people?

Subconscious, what?

I've been having some bizarre dreams lately.  See if you can follow this...

Two nights ago, I dreamt that a plane crashed in my backyard, barely missing me.  As I'm laying on the ground with my eyes squeezed shut, trying not to wet myself, I hear this weird noise and open my eyes to see zombies clawing their way out of the plane.  No wonder the plane crashed, I think (in my dream) and take off for the house.  There's this FBI dude at my house for some reason, and he looks like the FBI dude from Prison Break last season, but he doesn't run fast enough and gets partially eaten.  I get into the house to find that my mom is there, and she's opened the gun safe and laid out all of B's guns on the kitchen counter (there are a lot more in my dream than we own in real life too), but she forgot the ammo in the other room.  I go to grab it but the zombies are already in the room so I run and hide in the linen closet.  The end.

Last night, I dreamt that I met Linda of All & Sundry, one of my favorite bloggers, because I had discovered that her husband was my long lost cousin (not that far-fetched considered I've never met about 70% of my extended family) and we were going hiking outside Seattle.  On the way back to her house, the city was hit by mortar fire (I remember being able to see one shell falling through the air and take out the bridge in front of us, it was very vivid...) and Linda and I were kidnapped (along with a ton of other people) by the terrorists.  The terrorists kept saying that they were the REAL Al Quaida, and that they were sick of these other terrorists claiming to be Al Quaida when they were just a bunch of posers, so they kidnapped us to blog and Twitter about it and tell the world that the REAL Al Quaida were a bunch of pacifists.  And I got into an argument with them about it because hello, they just bombed the shit out of Seattle and killed a bunch of people, how could they call themselves pacifists?  And Linda was like, shut UP and WRITE.  The end.

I don't get it.

Trying to be random is not always easy.

I twittered yesterday about the nastiness of this particular flavor of Vitamin Water. Pineapple? Not so much. And ever since I tried it, my tastebuds have been out of whack. Even my bowl of cereal last night didn't taste quite like Corn Chex... and my normally excellent Caruso's Coffee this morning was very bleah. I brushed the crap out of my tongue this morning, but it still feels gross. Tranquilo... more like Ass-ilo.

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My hand is almost completely healed already, just one little scab left and a couple of nice shiny scars. Finally finished off the stimulant-laden antibiotics on Saturday night, and the past two nights' sleep have been WONDERFUL. Too bad I've had to get up early for work, so I can't truly enjoy it.

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Someone should notify my neighbors... it's Independence DAY, not Independence WEEK. Actually, from the looks of my friends' post on Facebook, maybe this is something that should be announced on the national news. CNN, get on that. No more fireworks, dammit!!

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I am trying my darnedest to get to the gym at least once a week. Last week I skipped due to the injury, but I got back on the horse yesterday and might even go again on Wednesday. Setting my goals a little lower seems to have helped - I feel like I've accomplished something for once! Now to up my time spent working out... right now I'm at 15 minutes on the elliptical, 15 minutes using the weight machines (upper body/core muscles only). Long term goal: a half-hour each, 2-3 times a week. Short term (easier) goal: 20 minutes by the end of the month...

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I want to work at a college or university someday, just so I can take classes for free. I'd take all those art classes that I missed the first time around, and maybe some literature or history ones too. Just for fun. But for now, I want to try to get into some classes at the Toledo Museum of Art. They offer a silk painting class that sounds like fun. Gotta save some money for it!

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Jason over at Pet Cobra is working on his 40/40 List - I'm thinking I might make one too. Considering I would have 10 years to accomplish it, it might actually be feasible. First thing would be to get a tattoo - actually I'd like to do that before I'm 35. Maybe a 35/35 list instead? To be pondered...

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It's amazing really, how many things there are on the dotoledo.org events calendar. The Dragon Boat Festival later this month is penciled into my planner, and the Wood County Fair is in red Sharpie for next month! Who'd have thunk it, that there were actually FUN things to do in Toledo? Doesn't make me like the city any more, but at least I can kill some time.